Last month my friend Sarah passed away after a two-year journey through the wasteland of breast cancer. She was 32. We became close after she got sick. Life, you big trickster!
Most of what I’ve been able to write since she died has been poetry that I haven’t really known what to do with other than message it to a couple of close personal friends and post it to the highly impersonal universe of Twitter.
I want to say what’s on my heart but only to people who I know for sure will be gentle or to people who are removed enough that they can’t hurt me. It’s getting better. Last week I felt normal-er for about three days; but I still ping-pong between that and feeling very fragile, which is beginning to frustrate me.
In any case, I’ve decided to post the poetry so far here, which feels like a big step. Further forthcoming poetry will go in separate posts (I’m sure there will be more).
3/30/15 ~ The Midnight Door ~
Death sneaks in the midnight door
Silent it creeps along the floor
Its lengthening shadow snatching more
Wrapped in sheets, her breath unsound
Winding love, her soul surrounds
She calls no more, for she is found
“Rejoice!” Resurrection cries
Dying done, pain breaks its ties
Loved she lived, and loved she flies
The empty space
The afternoon I used to visit you
But now you’re gone
And all that’s left
Is fuzz on
The cursed day
The day you died
The day I loved to spend with you
The day you’re gone the most
Less tears today
I sang my songs in peace
And only wept in prayer.
You marked my hands, my feet, my heart;
I sow my grief in silence.
That’s it for me today.
Your poetry is eloquent and beautiful, Lena. My heart reaches out to yours from the other side of the planet. Much love and compassion. Carole
Thank you so much, Carole. I appreciate that.
Fragile… that’s the exact word to describe me as well. It makes it difficult for those who depend on us to be their strength in these times of crisis. Love you, dear one. big hugs
It does, yes. Some days aren’t too bad and then so many others I just feel like if someone looks me in the eyes I’ll fall apart entirely. Tears never seem far away anymore. They’re lurking there in the whispers, waiting for the quiet, unsuspecting moment. Mostly what I feel is a confusing combination of grief and gratefulness for the time Sarah and I spent together. I love you too. big hugs back.